How To Be Your Own Best Friend
by Noah St. John

One of the questions I get asked frequently at my workshops and in private consultations is, "How can you be your own best friend?"

Many of the self-help teachers out there tell you that you have to love yourself first in order to love someone else.

But have you ever noticed the problem with that theory?

At the risk of stepping on a few toes here, the bottom line is that most of us simply were not only not taught how to love (or even like) ourselves, we were taught that it was downright *wrong* for us to love or like ourselves.

In other words, we not only were not taught how to do it, we were taught to *not* do it. And we wonder why so many of us have trouble liking ourselves.

So, what's the solution to this problem? 

As I mentioned, most self-help teachers say that the solution to not liking ourselves is to learn how to like ourselves.

That's like saying to an anorexic, "Why don't you just eat?" 

It's not that simple. If it were, we'd already be doing it. Frankly, this point is one of the pillars of my teaching, because it confuses so many people and causes so much frustration. (Believe me, I'm speaking from personal experience.)

The answer to the problem is *not* that we have to learn how to love and like ourselves. 

We need time to heal, and frankly, we need outside intervention.

That's why I created the concept of Loving Mirrors: people who can see and support you for who you really Are.

Now, I'm not going to mislead you: when I discovered this concept, I had exactly *no* Loving Mirrors in my life. Zero. None.

To be perfectly candid, that's how I figured out that this was the problem that had led to my own starving myself of success: I didn't have anyone in my life who could love and support me unconditionally.

All of the awards and accolades I'd won over my life (National Merit Scholar, Salutatorian of my graduating class, full scholarships to college, etc.) meant less than nothing to me, because I felt that they were only given to me because of what I proved to someone else. I also felt that the only time I got any approval was when I won such awards or outer accolades.

Gradually, after I wrote the first edition of my book "Permission To Succeed," I realized that I was beginning to ask better questions of the universe.

I began to see how I was the one who was actually discounting all of my achievements, and that this was in turn attracting people into my life who would do the same.

I began to ask myself, "What is unconditional love like?" I had never experienced it, except in my imagination; but I began to write about what someone would do and say to me if they loved and saw me unconditionally.

You know what happened? Within about 6 months, I had attracted three or four people who could be my Loving Mirrors. Within a year, the number had grown to about eight. Today, I have more Loving Mirrors than I could ever have imagined possible. And you know what else happened? Some of the very people who I thought were judging me and would never be able to love me unconditionally -- and yes, I mean my family members -- are now able to give me the love and support I need. Now, not one of my Loving Mirrors is perfect. Every one of them has bad days, says or does things I'd rather they hadn't, and otherwise does not show up for me perfectly every single time.

Guess what? We're all human. 

But doesn't it make more sense to accept and forgive the people in your life for not being perfect, than to blame them for not? Doesn't it take a lot of our energy to hold onto the hurt, anger, and pain?

I'm not trying to oversimplify this. I am simply saying that it is possible for us to let go and forgive, both ourselves and those who didn't show up perfectly for us. And yes, believe me I know, it takes time. 

Please use my experience and judge for yourself if you think this would benefit you. 

During this time when the world is being reborn, ask for the love, support, and help you need from those around you. 

It won't happen overnight. But believe me, if I can turn my life around, anyone can.

Noah St. John
http://www.SuccessClinic.com

Article courtesy of MediaPeak, http://mediapeak.com

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